pinch poke you owe me a coke!!!
2004-08-14, 5:35 p.m.

life seems to be a series of ups and downs. a tangle of relationships that bring both dissapointment and joy.

saw Ray Dumont and Rodney today when i was in the old port with matt (the handsome and wonderful ). they had their new son with them, Ethan! he is adorable. and perfect for them. I am so happy for them. and Ray was just Glowing!

looking at the two of them i thought what a shame it is that some people look down on that kind of family. i can't imagine a luckier child than ethan to have fathers like that. especially one like Ray. the purpose of family is to love. a child needs love and stablility and security. who cares where it comes from or who brings it as long as it's there.

the future is scary to me now. i realize that i am growing up. faster than anyone knows. and though i am so excited to begin this next part of my life and start to really pursue my career...i am terrified to take that step.

have you ever felt like your getting everything you ever wanted. all at once? and has it ever made you feel like running away? i feel that now. it's all too good to be true. and i'm so, so very scared that in a matter of seconds it could all come crashing down around me. i'm scared that the happiness i feel now is just a false front on something that could bring me pain.

funny how hard it is to just be happy huh? to just accept the good times instead of always looking around the corner for the bad ones.

ah well. to life love and the 7-11 ...hm..i think that's a play.

till next time!

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